Dear Daria: Can we just be friends?
Dear Daria,
I have known this guy on and off for about one year. I have noticed that he only calls me at night and just wants to "hang out". I try to flirt with him and it seems like he flirts back, but it never goes beyond that. I would like to be more than friends, and the one time I tried to bring that up, he told me that since he doesn't have a full time job and still goes to school and just lost his car in and accident, he is not ready to have a girlfriend yet. I really have feelings for him and want things to go farther, but I also don't want to lose his friendship. I'm not sure what to do.
Sincerely, Hopelessly Devoted
Dear Hopelessly Devoted,
Girl, it's time to move on. First of all, I am willing to bet my life savings (which sadly isn't much) that this guy lives with his parents. That might not be a deal-breaker in itself, but it's a factor that definitely goes in the "cons" column. Your only option in this situation is to cut off communication. You may be thinking, but if I can't have him as a boyfriend, I can still keep him as a friend. Maybe eventually things will progress...he just needs time.
That is total BS, and let me tell you why. For lack of a better cliche, he's just not that into you. If he was at all attracted to you things would have progressed by now...you've been flirting for a year. The fact that he sometimes flirts back but never makes a move simply means that he likes the attention. You are his daily ego-shake. He knows that you want more, but gives you lame excuses that have nothing to do with having a relationship. Since when does being a student or not having a car preclude dating? These obstacles clearly don't keep him from "hanging out." If you're thinking what I'm thinking, he suddenly doesn't sound like such a great friend, does he? Certainly not one worth keeping. Besides, you can't just be friends with someone that you have strong feelings for unless you are a serious masochist. Each meeting with him will be a reminder of his rejection.
I have known this guy on and off for about one year. I have noticed that he only calls me at night and just wants to "hang out". I try to flirt with him and it seems like he flirts back, but it never goes beyond that. I would like to be more than friends, and the one time I tried to bring that up, he told me that since he doesn't have a full time job and still goes to school and just lost his car in and accident, he is not ready to have a girlfriend yet. I really have feelings for him and want things to go farther, but I also don't want to lose his friendship. I'm not sure what to do.
Sincerely, Hopelessly Devoted
Dear Hopelessly Devoted,
Girl, it's time to move on. First of all, I am willing to bet my life savings (which sadly isn't much) that this guy lives with his parents. That might not be a deal-breaker in itself, but it's a factor that definitely goes in the "cons" column. Your only option in this situation is to cut off communication. You may be thinking, but if I can't have him as a boyfriend, I can still keep him as a friend. Maybe eventually things will progress...he just needs time.
That is total BS, and let me tell you why. For lack of a better cliche, he's just not that into you. If he was at all attracted to you things would have progressed by now...you've been flirting for a year. The fact that he sometimes flirts back but never makes a move simply means that he likes the attention. You are his daily ego-shake. He knows that you want more, but gives you lame excuses that have nothing to do with having a relationship. Since when does being a student or not having a car preclude dating? These obstacles clearly don't keep him from "hanging out." If you're thinking what I'm thinking, he suddenly doesn't sound like such a great friend, does he? Certainly not one worth keeping. Besides, you can't just be friends with someone that you have strong feelings for unless you are a serious masochist. Each meeting with him will be a reminder of his rejection.
posted by Daria @ 11:45 AM
1 Comments:
At 1:00 PM,
Tasp said…
Right on sista! That's why you are my hero!
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