Dear Daria: Bar Bait
Dear Daria,
I'm a single gal with a pretty active nightlife, but guys don't really hit on me very often. I feel like man-repellent. What's the best way to make the first move on a guy without seeming desperate?
~Bar Bait
Bar Bait,
Don't despair! There are some simple steps you can take to make yourself a bit more approachable--and I'm NOT talking about dumbing it down in any way, shape or form. Most guys are just waiting for the green light before they take the plunge and risk public rejection. Is your body language giving off the wrong signals? Are you isolating yourself in a corner? Is your group of friends mingling with other people, or are they giving off a members-only vibe? Remember that if you are hanging out with guy friends or a co-ed mix, it might seem like you are taken.
Scan the room and briefly make eye contact with guys you find attractive. Eye contact is the key! You don't want to stare and point (think Swingers), but just let your eyes do the flirting. Start a conversation with a group of guys next to you.
If at this point you still haven't been approached, it's great that you are willing to take matters into your own hands. Perhaps you've been exchanging glances with a hottie, but he just won't make the move. Some might find this cheesy, but I've always found that sending my friend over first seems to work. We all have that one outrageous friend who is much more willing to approach random people. If the guy isn't interested, it's less embarrassing. More often than not, my friend comes back with the guy and he wants to hang. Of course, you are taking the risk that he will like your friend more than you, but for shy ladies this is the only way to go.
If you are the brave type-- or at least that last martini has made you brave-- then walk up to him on your own. You can play it cool by asking for the time, or you could be more straightforward and ask him to dance (there's the safe and ever-popular, "Why aren't you dancing?"). If you're looking for non-cheesy ways to strike up any sort of dialogue, just go with your gut. Ask him where he's from, if he's a regular there, what does he think of the place...once he sees that you are making the effort, he'll most likely be relieved and happy to converse. You could offer him a drink, if you are so inclined. If his reaction is to feel threatened, then IMO he's not worth talking to.
It all depends on what you feel comfortable with, although sometimes you just need to step out of your comfort zone and take a chance. Most of the time you'll find that guys are receptive to this. Just have fun and relax! And martinis help, too!
One more piece of advice-- don't lower your standards just because the cuties that night aren't into you. You don't want to end up like these chicks.
Best of Luck,
Daria
I'm a single gal with a pretty active nightlife, but guys don't really hit on me very often. I feel like man-repellent. What's the best way to make the first move on a guy without seeming desperate?
~Bar Bait
Bar Bait,
Don't despair! There are some simple steps you can take to make yourself a bit more approachable--and I'm NOT talking about dumbing it down in any way, shape or form. Most guys are just waiting for the green light before they take the plunge and risk public rejection. Is your body language giving off the wrong signals? Are you isolating yourself in a corner? Is your group of friends mingling with other people, or are they giving off a members-only vibe? Remember that if you are hanging out with guy friends or a co-ed mix, it might seem like you are taken.
Scan the room and briefly make eye contact with guys you find attractive. Eye contact is the key! You don't want to stare and point (think Swingers), but just let your eyes do the flirting. Start a conversation with a group of guys next to you.
If at this point you still haven't been approached, it's great that you are willing to take matters into your own hands. Perhaps you've been exchanging glances with a hottie, but he just won't make the move. Some might find this cheesy, but I've always found that sending my friend over first seems to work. We all have that one outrageous friend who is much more willing to approach random people. If the guy isn't interested, it's less embarrassing. More often than not, my friend comes back with the guy and he wants to hang. Of course, you are taking the risk that he will like your friend more than you, but for shy ladies this is the only way to go.
If you are the brave type-- or at least that last martini has made you brave-- then walk up to him on your own. You can play it cool by asking for the time, or you could be more straightforward and ask him to dance (there's the safe and ever-popular, "Why aren't you dancing?"). If you're looking for non-cheesy ways to strike up any sort of dialogue, just go with your gut. Ask him where he's from, if he's a regular there, what does he think of the place...once he sees that you are making the effort, he'll most likely be relieved and happy to converse. You could offer him a drink, if you are so inclined. If his reaction is to feel threatened, then IMO he's not worth talking to.
It all depends on what you feel comfortable with, although sometimes you just need to step out of your comfort zone and take a chance. Most of the time you'll find that guys are receptive to this. Just have fun and relax! And martinis help, too!
One more piece of advice-- don't lower your standards just because the cuties that night aren't into you. You don't want to end up like these chicks.
Best of Luck,
Daria
posted by Daria @ 11:55 AM
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