Movies: F the Da Vinci Haters ...and F Adam Sandler

You know those annoying, elitist movie critics? The ones who over-analyze even the most superficial films and berate you for enjoying Adam Sandler movies? Well, that's usually me. If the trailer begins, "In a World..." I vomit into the aisle. I scoff at those who rave about Mr & Mrs Smith. It makes me physically ill when I realize that I have wasted hours of my life watching steaming piles of turd like Charlie's Angels.

So while I generally find myself in agreement with the critics, I am baffled and
angered by their unreasonable reaction to The Da Vinci Code. I saw the movie on Sunday night, having just finished the novel earlier that day. First, let me admit that while the novel was a somewhat poorly written low-brow thriller, I was very entertained by it. When I wasn't reading it furiously I was heading to Wikipedia to decipher historical fact from fiction. Like I mentioned in my last post, I love historically based fiction, even if it's more fiction than fact. History fascinates me, and reading stories that bring up myths like the holy grail only make me want to research the truth. Dan Brown isn't the most sophisticated writer, but like Stephen King, he can tell a good story.

Before I saw the film, I read all the scathing movie reviews, and I started to worry. What if the novel doesn't translate well? What if I am distracted by Tom Hank's hair?

But honestly, the film was pretty good. I liked it. Sometimes when I walk out of a theater and start ranting about crappy dialogue and implausible plotlines my husband tells me, "Relax, it's just a movie." Now I know what he means. In fact, I think it's an injustice that this movie has been given such a bad rap.

The critics are just way off on this one, and it's mostly because they have deep-rooted issues with what most Americans find entertaining. I think they either A) had not read the book, and in that case I can understand how the movie is harder to digest, or B) read the book and hate that it is so popular with most people because it's not a literary masterpiece. It's my belief that bitter movie critics have an automatic aversion to anything that the masses approve of, and in this case they were so disgusted by the success of what they felt was an inferior novel that they took it out on the movie.

Here's what pisses me off though-- I have read about 5 reviews where people say that at the climactic moments they felt the urge to burst out laughing because the dialogue was so bad. Not once did I have that type of reaction while watching it. The dialogue was NOT that bad. My other main beef is with the critics who have a problem with the movie because it's not historically accurate. UM, since when is it logical to judge fictional stories on how accurate they are? HELLO, that's why it's called fiction. It's made up! It's absurd! It's fantastical! GET OVER IT! I didn't hear anyone complaining about F-ing Mel Gibson's Jesus movie, and it's impossible to know how accurate that was. Not to mention that from what I've researched, some of the fundamental ideas in The Da Vinci Code DO have a historical basis. So just for this once I say to the critics (haters) F U.

Now, if I can step into my sarcastic movie critic point of view for a moment -- I know I'm not alone when I say that Adam Sandler should die and go to hell for making a movie about a magical remote control. I like Billy Madison, and Happy Gilmore was kinda funny...but since then Sandler has been flinging more poo at movie-goers than Michael Jackson's chimp. Seriously Adam, F U.